My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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