Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
