I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
