Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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