We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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