I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
