The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
