i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
