I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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