i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
