I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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