good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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