I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
