; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
