im having a threesome with these popsicles
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
