direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
