he was CRYING into my vagina
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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