he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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