Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
