It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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