I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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