On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize