It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
