omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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