There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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