Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am midnight drunk by noon
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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