i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
