if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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