i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize