Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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