Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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