Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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