3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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