The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
