we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
