I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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