I am spending my child support on dildos
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
