You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
