I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
