Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
