someone threw a dead crab at me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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