At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
