Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
