oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
