I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
