Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize