K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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