the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
