If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone came in the potted fern
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
