Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize