ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
