He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
