You're completely useless in the revolution.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
