you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
