Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
