I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
