Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
