so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
