We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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