my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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