so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
