Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
