i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
