im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
