Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
