I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
