That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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